Written by Imogen Hely
This piece was originally published in ‘Vestige’, Bossy’s 2023 print edition.
People are always talking about finding yourself
But I don’t think I ever will
How can I, when I can lay claim to nothing as wholly original
Fully me
I am simply a collage
Friends and family and lovers
All rolled into one imperfect being
I cannot claim this face, my sister wore it first and my mother before her
I cannot claim this body, when my father shaped it
I cannot claim a single piece of my personality, if you reach into my mind and
untangle it
You would find a mess of my sister’s and brother’s sewn together
The more I learn from my family, the more I realise I am simply a mirror for them
No part of me will ever shine through as original
Everyone always says that your 20s are for finding yourself
But I don’t think I will ever know me
Every relationship I have formed, leaves stains
There will never be a “me”
Only my body and the ghosts of all who I have known
I have never chosen to carve myself into pieces of others
Maybe it was the only way I could keep them around
And all I’ll ever be
Is a reminder for those I’ve loved
A breathing vestige
Existing only as a ploy for nostalgia’s little games