Article written by Mahalia Crawshaw
Illustration by Brinda Murlikrishna
This piece was originally published in ‘Chimera’, Bossy’s 2022 print edition.
My mind is a many-headed monster
And sometimes I think she will be the death of me
I fear she will erupt out
Leap
from my mouth
Screaming
Talons
Teeth bared
Grip me tight
and pitch us
into the abyss
She is angry
And her rage transcends
Envelops her like fire
like the stake she was thrown upon
Red hot
and deathly cold
Flames she twirls around her fingers
Tickling her weathered thighs
as she laughs
Thunder
She is too loud
Too
Much
A striking smile
etched across her frightening face
Her ribs lay in rubble
like timber panels
and bricks and bedrooms
Her body a disaster zone
Heart of the hearth exposed
When she was a girl
my monster learnt a great many things
about love and loyalty
and fear
Staying small
and
quiet
Holding her tongue
between her fingers as it bled
vowels and verses
Letters lingering in her cavernous mouth
held behind her lips
And it hurt
Sharp consonants biting at her cheeks
Carnivorous
Hungry
She was hungry
And her bones cut
Ruthless edges
Jutting out
Her body was a tomb
A graveyard in the garden of His church
And she was slowly dying
Why didn’t you cry out?
Speak truth
It will set you free
Speak now
or forever hold your peace
Just ask the question
and I will tell you reality
What is reality
but a book of monsters?
Each one crying out in vain
for someone to love her
She is not that scary
no matter how intimidating—
“terrifying”—they christen her
Those boys on their epic quests
Sailing ships
Swords high
Waxed ears ready
against siren song
on their way to kill the big bad
Wicked Witch
Sensual Sorceress
Scylla and her scaly sisters
Don’t let her open her mouth
lest she cast her spell
she might transfigure them
But weren’t they swine all along?
Grunting, squealing
Masses
of pink flesh
Emasculating
Ejaculating
Viscous vomit
trailing from their lips
They tremble when she roars
Shudder when she screams
Banshee bursting
into flames
She is on fire
The holy whore
The devil is a man
but you fear a woman more