There Is a Girl

 

In my dreams, there is a girl

And she wears sundresses in winter

Because she wants to

Her feet are bare and calloused

Just like her heart

And all she wants is flowers in her hair

And to be loved

 

Specks of sunshine sprinkle her face and arms

Leaving patchy kisses on her skin

But she refuses to sit inside

Because outside she is free

 

She doesn’t walk, and rarely runs,

Instead she dances with her arms outstretched

And eyes closed

 

Her voice is a waterfall

And so are her tears

But her laugh is endless and loud

 

In my dreams, there is a girl

And sometimes her smile doesn’t quite reach her eyes

But she pretends because their smiles are so beautiful

And her forearms are peppered with bloodshot dots

Because she isn’t enough

 

Her heart hurts because she can see her little sisters

Little pixies

Small and happy

But not actually that small

Floating on nothing

Laughing

With those glinting eyes

And wide mouths

Blaming themselves for things they didn’t do

Just like she did

Just like she does

 

And her sister’s poetry makes her cry

Because she forgot her mum had said that

And her sister writes about her like an experiment

Or a patient

Etherised

And she is more than that

But maybe she isn’t

And she thought she was getting better

But He said she wasn’t

And broke her heart

 

In my dreams, there is a girl

Whose sister sometimes speaks in third person

Because that’s what her sister does

So she doesn’t cry

 

This girl is a tragic cliché

With a hesitant ferocity

And an earnestness that’s so far gone

 

In my dreams, there is a girl

And I am happy

Because it means I sleep