In my dreams, there is a girl
And she wears sundresses in winter
Because she wants to
Her feet are bare and calloused
Just like her heart
And all she wants is flowers in her hair
And to be loved
Specks of sunshine sprinkle her face and arms
Leaving patchy kisses on her skin
But she refuses to sit inside
Because outside she is free
She doesn’t walk, and rarely runs,
Instead she dances with her arms outstretched
And eyes closed
Her voice is a waterfall
And so are her tears
But her laugh is endless and loud
In my dreams, there is a girl
And sometimes her smile doesn’t quite reach her eyes
But she pretends because their smiles are so beautiful
And her forearms are peppered with bloodshot dots
Because she isn’t enough
Her heart hurts because she can see her little sisters
Little pixies
Small and happy
But not actually that small
Floating on nothing
Laughing
With those glinting eyes
And wide mouths
Blaming themselves for things they didn’t do
Just like she did
Just like she does
And her sister’s poetry makes her cry
Because she forgot her mum had said that
And her sister writes about her like an experiment
Or a patient
Etherised
And she is more than that
But maybe she isn’t
And she thought she was getting better
But He said she wasn’t
And broke her heart
In my dreams, there is a girl
Whose sister sometimes speaks in third person
Because that’s what her sister does
So she doesn’t cry
This girl is a tragic cliché
With a hesitant ferocity
And an earnestness that’s so far gone
In my dreams, there is a girl
And I am happy
Because it means I sleep