I Feel You

CW: abuse, sexual abuse, sexual assault

 

I feel you in me.

My insides do not twist

like they did when

I felt him,

forceful and

insistent on robbing

my virginity.

 

He masturbated

with my body.

I remember

how I wished to

become a corpse.

I wonder,

would he have noticed?

 

Would it have mattered

had I not been

thin and tall, or

sexualised from puberty?

Had I not been wearing

my favourite perfume?

Had I cried “No”

a few more times,

or maybe louder

had he not been choking me?

I feel you in me.

The drifting scent of my perfume

nauseates me

but

I dare to let my gaze wander.

Thankfully,

I find you

smiling

with eyes full of worry,

trying to find me,

lost

in shattered memories.

 

Your lips

taste familiar.

Your tongue dances

as it meets an old friend.

 

Hello, you

feel good.

I am

happy

that it is you

caressing

me.