Written by Angela Chen
Graphic by Ana Isaacs

This piece was originally published in ‘Pleasure and Danger’, Bossy’s 2020 print edition.

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swirls and spirals snake up his arm
she giggles
stumbling into him
as her friends flirt and laugh
effortless banter bouncing around
fumbling for her id
a slight slip but they let her in anyway
making a beeline for the bar

the strobe lights dance across her face
swaying to the music
feeling nothing
through the haze
blurry arms wrap around her
a deep laugh
a cockney twang
“why would I need another girl when I’ve got this one”

cologne and cigarettes
envelop her in a haze of desire
yearning to be touched
to be wanted
even just for one night

they’re in an alleyway
his lips are on her neck
her feet hurt from her heels
his hands pull up her skirt
she can smell tequila
he pulls apart the snaps of her bodysuit
as she hooks her fingers around the waistband of his boxers
just the motions
that she is so familiar with

closing her eyes as their lips meet
she can taste her desperation
desperate to forget the boys who came before
the boys with the bright eyes
the boys with the sweet everythings
the boys who took every piece of her

she doesn’t want to look at him
knowing that she’ll see them
the faces that still haunt her
that she still cries and cries over
on the floor of her bedroom
until there is nothing left
so she focuses on the one thing her brain can still pick out
his arm
a rose
barely visible among the swirling patterns

she wakes in the morning
head pounding
naked in an unfamiliar bed
reeking of cologne and cigarettes
last night has left her marks
all over her delicate skin
the only familiar thing is
that stickiness between her thighs