Written by Aveline Yang
Graphic by Navita Wijeratne

This piece was originally published in ‘Memento Mori’, Bossy’s 2021 print edition.

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CW: Death.

When I die
Where will I be buried?
Under the topsoil of regret
In the loamy embrace of things unsaid 
And tears unshed
Nestled in the subsoil where my dear joys lie 
Drunk with hazy lavender
The darkness blurred
By cedar
Bedrock nourishes
With its permanence and consistency
Like the unfettered fear that has frolicked free reign
In the plains of my mind
My whole life

When I die
Where will my loved ones see me buried?
Within the fired synapses of people I cared for
And held gently in passing thoughts that
Evaporate like soft steam from morning tea
Will I be swaddled
In blankets woven of violent and delicate grief 
Delicate gossamer fused in gratitude and hate
Crisscrossing around my memory 
An invisible cocoon for
My constellations

When I die
I will have created my magnum opus 
Quietly, clumsily
My death knits together all that could have been
And all that never could 
Like a fly pulled unstuck 
My web ripples