Written by Aveline Yang
Graphic by Navita Wijeratne
This piece was originally published in ‘Memento Mori’, Bossy’s 2021 print edition.
CW: Death.
When I die
Where will I be buried?
Under the topsoil of regret
In the loamy embrace of things unsaid
And tears unshed
Nestled in the subsoil where my dear joys lie
Drunk with hazy lavender
The darkness blurred
By cedar
Bedrock nourishes
With its permanence and consistency
Like the unfettered fear that has frolicked free reign
In the plains of my mind
My whole life
When I die
Where will my loved ones see me buried?
Within the fired synapses of people I cared for
And held gently in passing thoughts that
Evaporate like soft steam from morning tea
Will I be swaddled
In blankets woven of violent and delicate grief
Delicate gossamer fused in gratitude and hate
Crisscrossing around my memory
An invisible cocoon for
My constellations
When I die
I will have created my magnum opus
Quietly, clumsily
My death knits together all that could have been
And all that never could
Like a fly pulled unstuck
My web ripples