Area Non-Binary Person Loses Their Shit

Graphic by Juliette Baxter

In an unprecedented and entirely unpredictable move, a local individual, [REDACTED], has officially lost their goddamn mind when it comes to cis people telling them what’s what. “Look,” they said in an exclusive interview with Bossy, “the next person who tries to tell me my pronouns aren’t grammatically correct is getting a dictionary to the jaw!” [REDACTED], a humble Gender Studies student and part-time vegan, has stated that they are becoming increasingly frustrated when, during ice-breakers and other associated torture rituals, someone comments on their pronouns. “Enough is enough,” they have announced. “’They’ is singular and it’s my pronoun. Case closed.”

Cis rights activists have contested [REDACTED]’s claims, citing that in Western society ‘they’ is considered a plural pronoun, and there’s nothing anyone can say or do to adjust this constant, untenable law. This response, which arrived at Bossy HQ via carrier pigeon after being dictated to the village cleric, has not deterred [REDACTED]’s ire. When [REDACTED] sent back a fully annotated bibliography outlining that ‘they’ has been used as a singular pronoun since at least the 16th century, the cis activists dismissed the research as it was in MLA format.

“It’s funny how cis people only care about proper grammar when trans people have something to say about it,” [REDACTED] said, taking a sip of their tea. “How about that.”

In a recent survey, 69% of local residents reported feeling ‘uneasy’ in [REDACTED]’s presence. One concerned citizen noted that “it’s not [their] fault that some people are so sensitive”, while another pointed out that, statistically speaking, a majority of people are unfamiliar with “gender nonsense” and therefore should not have to “bow to the liberal agenda”. In his nightly podcast, law student and Ramsey Centre advocate Charles Reynolds criticised [REDACTED]’s statement, citing personal experience as evidence that their claims are unfounded. Despite only having three listeners that night, Reynolds’ rant has gone viral, inciting further tension in what feminist scholars are calling ‘The New Sex Wars’.

“While Sex Wars of the past were concerned with topics such as pornography and sexual liberation, the New Sex Wars are about gender and how preconceived notions of it are being criticised by transgender people,” Professor Veronica McDonald, University of Eastern Australia, writes in Gender Quarterly. Her research into the Battle of Caitlyn Jenner (2015) revealed that while many cis people are “totally cool” with people “doing their thing”, they take significant offense to being told their behaviours and the thought processes behind them are reductive. McDonald has since issued an apology, citing rising hostility from the new right as grounds for retraction. Reynolds, as well as other gender-critical academics, have taken this to mean that she agrees with them.

But what does this mean for [REDACTED]? When asked what their next move was, they shrugged and said they weren’t sure. They’ve received this reception regarding their pronouns ever since they came out as non-binary, and nothing they have said or done has made a difference to how cis people treat them. When Bossy suggested making a Facebook post outlining their frustrations, [REDACTED] pointed to the fifty similar posts they had already made this year, along with a plethora of shared Buzzfeed articles and the occasional VICE interview. “There’s not much I can do,” they said, thinking carefully. “Unless…”

Two days later internet connections went down across town; cis rights activists point the finger at [REDACTED] and their “crazy gender powers”. While it is true that non-binary people are immensely more powerful than their cisgender compatriots, Wi-Fi manipulation has not been recorded among their vast and impressive list of abilities. However, Bossy will keep you updated as the situation progresses.