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I Am Sorry To Report
In recent weeks a strange phenomenon has swept over Canberra causing widespread trepidation amongst the local population – multiple organisations have reported a record decline in the use of ‘sorry’ amongst local women. Read more
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The Height is Right!: 4 Reasons You Should Date a Guy Solely for the Fact He’s the Arbitrary Height Society Deems Attractive!
Is dating getting you down? Is your choice of heeled shoes inexplicably limited by out-dated ideas of male physiological superiority? Well, have I got a solution for you – tall guys! Read more
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Pussy Power: The Real Champions of the Feminist Movement
While some of my peers may argue that Beyoncé and Malala Yousafzi are the true faces of Fourth Wave Feminism, I’d argue that, actually, the true champions of today’s feminist movement are the viral cats of the internet. Read more
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Bisexual Woman Called to Formally Renounce Queerness After Accidentally Hooking Up with Too Many Boys
The ANU Straight Department (ANUSD) gave notice of a Special General Meeting yesterday, where they intend to pass a motion requiring a queer student to renounce her bisexuality. This was prompted by recent findings that the student’s first semester Thursday night hook-up ratio was 60:40, in favour of men. Read more
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Local Student Kate Hailed ‘Really Nice Girl’
“After consultation with numerous* students at ANU it has been concluded that Kate, who listens to her female friends talk for long periods of time and sometimes looks after them when they’re drunk, is a really stand-up girl.” Read more
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YOUR GOVERNMENT & YOU: A Handy Guide to Developing Your Very Own Government
Hello, and welcome to the Government Startup Wizard. This article will guide you through establishing, building and ultimately collapsing your executive system. Read more
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Black Panther — Coming to White Audiences Everywhere
“In a miraculous display of generosity, white cinema-goers are single-handedly combating the prevalence of racism.” Read more
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ANU Student Goes Into Shock After Discovering Privilege
“A young ANU student, Patsy Goobshankles, was sent into shock on Monday after being informed that as an upper-class white girl she is kind of privileged.” Read more
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(Wo)Man in the Moon
“In the tale of the Man in the Moon, we see evidence of the deeply-rooted prejudice held against women in the field of astronomy.” Read more
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Study Spaces on Campus
Keep reading for a sample of the best study spots that Australia’s leading university has to offer! Read more
Satire
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